I over-memed a Trump healthcare meme

ever wondered how Danny “Anal Rapist” Masterson got that acting job with Ashton?

Krustie reduced to shilling for her cult… love the bit where guests were asked to move closer to the stage to make it look like more people turned up, lol


Even though this has been reported by respected press all over the media we have Mr & Mrs Bellend [the poster couple for Cognitive Dissonance] calling it #fakenews and “no way part of scientology”… freakin’ hilarious if it wasn’t so sad

Another kidnap victim was kept without food and running water

A man who runs Scientology “treatment centers” throughout Tennessee and two of his employees were prosecuted after police found two people held against their will at one of his facilities.

All facilities in Cannon County were closed and three men were arrested in connection with the kidnappings. According to WZTV, deputies responded to a 911 call from the Sunshine Lane facility in early February and discovered a man in a cabin with no food or running water. The man claimed a caretaker prevented him from leaving and that he was assaulted.

Authorities also alleged that a mentally handicapped woman was made to stay in a padlocked room for 14 hours a day.

The Cannon Courier provided additional details about the victims’ living conditions. Officers described the locked cabin where the man was living as having “no obvious amenity for life”—being completely barren aside from a pile of sheets in the corner. Authorities said the man claimed he was at the facility for nine months and was given unknown medications during that time.

Circuit Judge David Bragg ruled this week that “all facilities in Cannon County are closed and will not operate any resident facilities in Cannon County, Tennessee,” the paper wrote.

WZTV reported on Friday that Marc Vallieres, the manager of Life Center For a New Tomorrow, LLC, was charged with two felony counts of facilitation to kidnapping. The Life Center website describes its mission as a non-medical facility:

“The Life Center is not a medical or treatment facility. The main focus is to provide an environment that is peaceful and safe, where people can rest, destimulate, gradually calm down, regain their senses and with some help perhaps recover the social skills necessary to function successfully in life.”

Hans Lytle and Dennis Flamond (pictured left and right), who acted as caretakers at the Sunshine Lane facility, were also arrested for their treatment of the female and male victim, respectively. The pair later pleaded guilty to two counts of false imprisonment.

The Cannon County Clerk’s Office told WZTV that all three men were sentenced to unsupervised probation for 11 months and 29 days. The court also ruled that Vallieres cannot operate any facility or residence in the county.

The Life Center is said to have no affiliation with the official church. The station pointed out that none of the three men are licensed healthcare professionals and that the self-proclaimed Scientologist used training learned through the church to open up his own treatment center.

“I had no idea what was going on down there. You can’t open a Scientology facility unless it’s approved by the church,” Church of Scientology Nashville pastor Reverend Brian Fesler commented. “It has nothing to do with our church. It’s nothing we would be involved in, in any way.”


Clearwater, Florida, is used to having Scientology’s Sea Organization members in suits walking around all day, along Cleveland Street toward Fort Harrison Avenue, because this is where the Church of Scientology is located. However, over the past few weeks, fewer members have been spotted around.

According to Tampa Bay Times, the Sea Org members would sometimes outnumber the passersby on the street. It was not until last Thursday that the streets cleared up.

Community Redevelopment Agency Director Seth Taylor said that there is a possibility that Sea Org instructed their members to boycott the shops on Cleveland Street.

We started hearing from merchants earlier this week that they noticed a slow down in business, and they heard from Sea Org members they were instructed not to patronize Cleveland Street. It seems to be the mom and pop stores that are suffering the most.

According to Scientology, Sea Organization “is a religious order for the Scientology religion and is composed of the singularly most dedicated Scientologists — individuals who have committed their lives to the volunteer service of their religion.”

Leah Remini Talks About Scientology in her Book [Photo by Greg Allen/Invision/AP]Leah Remini Talks About Scientology in her Book [Photo by Greg Allen/Invision/AP]
Leah Remini Talks About Scientology in her Book [Photo by Greg Allen/Invision/AP]

Scientology also notes that the members “work long hours and live communally with housing, meals, uniforms, medical and dental care, transport and all expenses associated with their duties provided by the Church.”

Though boycott could be one of the reasons no Sea Org members were spotted on Cleveland Street, Ben Shaw, a Scientology spokesperson, told the Times that “there is absolutely not any boycott downtown by either staff or parishioners.” Shaw said the Sea Org has received a query about the uniforms since some of its members were requesting to wear normal clothes.

“We wish to avoid doing anything that would upset anybody. If you don’t recognize staff, it is because they aren’t in uniform when frequenting downtown.”

Lina Teixiera, the owner of Studio 617, said that the Downton Development Board is concerned about the boycott.

“The fact remains we are the collateral damage,” Teixeira said about the effect on local businesses.

The Scientology Church also delivered a 300-page formal complaint on April 24, after the city bought land to build an aquarium. The complaint said that there are financial and ethical practices maligned by the Pinellas County Commission.

“The timing of this speaks for itself, and it’s pretty evident that if, in fact, they have been instructed not to patronize downtown businesses, this would be a response to the property purchase,” Taylor said. “I’d like to put a message out saying downtown is open for everyone. Speaking on behalf of the business community, I know they would say everyone is welcome to shop and patronize downtown.”

Tom Cruise Scientology [Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP, File]
Tom Cruise Scientology [Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP, File]

Business is not the only problem Scientology faces at the moment. On Saturday, May 6, the Tennessee Scientology branch was charged with a kidnapping case, according to Daily Beast.

As the branch reportedly runs its own “self-proclaimed treatment centers,” there were allegedly kidnapping two people, holding them against their will.

Cannon County Police discovered the victims being held in small cabins with “no obvious amenity for life.”

One of the victims even told the police that they were being kept there because they were told they had to be “cleansed through Scientology.” The other victim, “described as handicapped woman,” was isolated and locked in a cabin for 14 hours every day.

The police were able to charge Marc Vallieres, the operator of the facility, with two felony counts of kidnapping, while two other caretakers were charged with false imprisonment.

A judge has already ordered the treatment centers to be closed down. Reports say that the facilities were not “officially” operated through the Church of Scientology, though the authorities said Vallieres was trained by the church.

Investigation on both cases are still ongoing.


..more Bellendness

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* Kelvin’s out on his A.S.S.
* Banging with Bananarama
* Charts: DJ Khaled is number one

Fight or flight <<

Kurtains for Klitschko?

Sunday’s London to Kyiv flight
was rather bizarre. Half the
passengers were overexcitable
Eurovision fans; the other half
were grumpy Ukrainians on their
way back from the Joshua v
Klitschko fight.

One of our moles got chatting
with Klitschko’s cornerman and
has been wondering ever since
if they were accidentally told
of Klitschko’s retirement plan?
We’re told the guy looked sad,
and said: “There couldn’t be a
better way for a guy to go out”.

Katie Price’s daughter Princess has
a book out this year and is starting
make-up tutorials on Instagram.
Princess is nine years old.

>> The firing line <<
Kelvin’s out on his A.S.S.

By now you’ll have seen that
gobshite of the moment Kelvin
MacKenzie has dropped himself
in it yet again; this time with
his imagined headline of Jeremy
Corbyn’s knifing.

How could a man whose job is
hanging in the balance behave
in such a reckless manner?
Well, the fact is that Kelvin
has already been fired. He has
been for almost two weeks now.

The Sun are keeping a lid on it
until the commotion calms but,
somewhat awkwardly, he still
has to turn up to the News UK
building at London Bridge as
(thanks to major investment
from Murdoch and co.) he still
runs his price comparison
website, A.S.S., out of there.

According to the new Sunday Times
Rich List, half of the UK’s richest
couple is Kirsty Bertarelli – who
wrote Black Coffee for All Saints.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking?

There’s a rumour going around
clubland that the person who
won 19 million on the lottery
a couple of weeks ago was 80s
star Marilyn. We’d love it to be
true, but we’re pretty certain
that Marilyn’s still driving a
Vauxhall and has been acting
like nothing has happened.

And, really, what are the
chances of Marilyn opting to
tick the “no publicity” box?

Are you ready for Eurovision?
* Italy the hot favourite!
* Romanian yodelers have cannons!
* UK entry doesn’t actually suck!
* Croatia one of the weirdest ever!
* Azerbaijan looks brilliant!
Stayed tuned – our full ESC
Guide will be out next week.

>> School of Rikrok <<
Island life for singer

Shaggy has announced a world
tour which will be stopping
off in Manchester, Cambridge
and Norwich later this year.
Can we expect Rikrok, the
singer on It Wasn’t Me, to
be joining him?

It seems unlikely. Ricardo is
now living in Grand Cayman and
is a born again Christian – so
presumably wouldn’t dream of
promoting the sins of adultery
and dishonesty anymore.

Besides, now that he works
at the local baptist school
(known to the kids as “Mr
Ricky”) he probably couldn’t
get the time off anyway.

Popbitch’s favourite HR officer?
Working at the UK Department for
International Development in
South Africa… Iwann de Kock.

Rock of ages <<

Time to like Sharon again

The tabloids are trying to
open up old wounds in the
Osbourne household, hawking
round more pictures of Ozzy
out with his hairdresser. Yet
tempting though it is to side
with Ozzy after Sharon being
so relentlessly awful on the
X Factor, behind the scenes
she has quietly continued to
be an absolute rock for him.

During his farewell tour with
Black Sabbath this year Ozzy
had a kind of breakdown. He
was found stumbling around
the Manchester Arena after a
show shouting incomprehensible
nonsense and calling for his
buddy who had helped him
before during a relapse.

Sharon got the buddy flown in
from LA instantly and had
him babysit Ozzy for the rest
of the tour to ensure he got
through it.

Proof that protein shakes have now
supplanted perfume as the celebrity
brand extension du jour? Katie Price
has got her own one out.

>> Diplo doofus <<
Vice x DJ Van der Beek

Despite having been the worst
thing about Dawson’s Creek,
James Van der Beek has stayed
in pretty steady employment –
doing his bit to help torpedo
the ratings of shows like CSI:
Cyber, Don’t Trust The Bitch
In Apt 23, Friends With Better
Lives and Carters Get Rich.

He’s just signed on for a new
gig too: playing the part of
DJ/producer Diplo in Viceland’s
upcoming show, What Would Diplo

It’ll be interesting to see
what happens given Viceland’s
current audience share and VdB’s
preternatural talent to drive
ratings into the ground. Could
this be the first show in the
history of television to draw
negative viewers?

Spotted in first class coming back
from LAX last week: Martin Gore,
Andy Fletcher and director Stephen
Frears. Secret project in the works?

Raging pull <<

Banging with Bananarama

Our inbox was bulging this week
with Bananarama stories. Our
favourite was another revelation
about Robert De Niro’s Waiting.

Shortly after the song charted
the man himself paid a visit
to London. Intrigued, he wanted
to meet the girls so went along
to their regular haunt, The Wag
Club on Wardour Street, where
he did eventually find them.

After a minor three-way squabble
for his attention, it was Sara
who got to see his Travis Bickle.

Look out kids! Woody Allen’s jazz
band is playing the Albert Hall
this July.

Slurred lines <<

Boozing with Bananarama

SM writes:
“I had to interview Sara and
Keren for the Daily Mail a few
years back. We met for lunch.
I was 20 minutes late and they
had already finished a bottle
of wine by the time I arrived.

“Three bottles later we were
all completely pissed. They
then announced that they had
to go back to the studio to
perform some backing vocals
for a new single. They put
their headphones on and…
sang slur free. It was very

“We then went to a pub.
Love them.”

Tamara Ecclestone says her sister
Petra spoils her daughter, Sophia.
“For her third birthday, she
bought her a Pomeranian.”

>> ‘Pik up lines <<
Leering with Lembit

Obviously we’re delighted for
Lembit Opik that he’s soon to
be a dad, but we do hope that
fatherhood isn’t going to
change him entirely.

One reader told us of the
time a few years back when
they bumped into him in Boots.
She was behind him in the
queue buying tampons when
he caught her eye.

He offered her the Advantage
points on his purchase because
he didn’t have a Boots card
himself, before inviting her to
drop by his office any time she
“happened to be in Parliament”.

An early-20th century euphemism
for cunnilingus was “sneezing in
the cabbage”.

Steps back in time <<

Revising H & Claire’s crimes

The feature on Steps in FeMail
last weekend was a treasure
trove of good quotes – and it
also provided us with an answer
to one of the big mysteries of
modern pop.

In the interview, H confessed
that “after Steps ended I
couldn’t listen to music for
two years.” No wonder all the
H & Claire stuff was all such
absolute dogshit. H couldn’t
hear any of it.

FYI: Elsewhere, Lisa Scott-Lee
was reminiscing about the sorts
of sensational banter the band
shared on the road. “We’d always
had such fun together. Once we
went out on stage in Taiwan and
H shouted, ‘Hello Japan!’ by
mistake.” Classic…

When Steps imploded, the rest of
the band had a nickname for H and
Claire: Huntley and Carr.

>> Hmmms <<
Horse, doctor, Eurovision

Science fiction interfaces

Don’t get too excited about
the record industry rebirth:

Police called after cat in
tree appears to be holding
an assualt rifle:

Justin Bieber’s tour
rider for India:

Fabulously named doctor:

A painting horse:

San Marino’s Eurovision entry
once starred in “Hope: The
Obama Musical Story”, which
played across Germany in 2010:

Romania’s Eurovision entry
features huge cannons, but
the singer is having a bit
of trouble using them:

Thanks to: MF, IC, AM, EIB, 5AM,
PJ, Bengo, TJ, RM, LT, SM, JG,  JA,
ulysses, dr_strangelove, monstris

Old Jokes Home:
“Do you tell your husband when
you have an orgasm?”
“No. He doesn’t like to be
disturbed at work.”

Still Bored?
If you’ve had your lunch, have
a read of the erotic letters
James Joyce wrote to his wife: